omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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