I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
