Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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