i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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