I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
did i just pee glitter
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
