Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
