What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
