i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
