hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
