I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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