Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
