If i come over, it means nothing
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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