Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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