My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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