Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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