This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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