Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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