On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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