I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
