He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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