why didn't you poke me back
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
