i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
