i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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