I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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