nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
