can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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