You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
