Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
