hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
