so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
