Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
