the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
