Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
