Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
