when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
