i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
