ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
