wanna go halves on a baby?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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