Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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