I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
