Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
