life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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