He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Found the puke drawer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am naked and annoyed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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