if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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