nutella sex= disaster
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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