it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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