Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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