LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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