Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Life is so much better after having sex.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
