Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
