1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
