when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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